Close

March 11, 2017

Breitbart Cucks Kurt Bardella and Matthew Boyle Invade Swampy Awards

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
BitterDC’s Swampy Awards
info@bitterdc.com

BREITBART CUCKS BARDELLA AND BOYLE INVADE SWAMPY AWARDS

Two Politicos Associated with the Website Nominated for Prestigious Award

Washington, DC (March 11, 2017) – Former Breitbart News spokesperson Kurt Bardella and current Breitbart News Washington Political Editor Matthew Boyle have been nominated by a group of their peers for the “30 Over 30 Who Never Changed the World But Still Have Time” Swampy Award for 2017.

Country music lover Bardella quit Breitbart over the site’s handling of an assault on its own reporter at a Donald Trump press conference. He gained notoriety in some political circles and respect in other political circles when he publicly announced he was voting for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 presidential race.

Boyle has a background in investigative reporting and is a darling of the conservative conference-going set at events like the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), which was held in late February.  

The ghost of Andrew Breitbart was channeled late last night during a seance. One member in attendance at the seance translated his communication as, “I wish the term ‘cuck’ was around when I started my empire.”

Another simplified the message from Brietbart as meaning, “War!”

Spiritualists generally agree that interpreting the intent behind communications with dead political heroes is a complex business.

Brad Tidwell, founder of political web development firm Infrared Productions and developer of BitterDC.com said “Sweet! We can definitely make some fun memes out of this.”

Co-founder and spokesperson Julie Germany said, “I had no idea what a ‘cuck’ was until a couple months ago because I’m not a racist. But I want the awards to be inclusive, so I guess cucks are welcome too.”

The description of the 30 Under 30 Who Haven’t Changed the World But Still Have Time Award is “Nobody in DC peaked in High School. We all peaked when we made one of the ten dozen “30 Under 30” Lists. And now we’re all just trying to hold on, padding our resumes with meaningless distinctions until we make partner, put our kids through school, and pay off our mortgages. Ain’t no rest for the wicked.”

The Swampy Awards were founded in 2017 by a group of political hacks and are designed to cross partisan lines and celebrate what we do best: make noise, promote stuff, and get attention.

Award categories include:

  • Most Popular by Host Committee Votes
  • Lifetime Achievement Award in Internet Trolling
  • The Top DC Advocacy Campaigns Nobody Cared About
  • All-Around Sexiest Beltway Beasts
  • 30 Over 30 Who Never Changed the World But Still Have Time
  • Most Wonderfully Shameless Self Promoters
  • DC’s Most Likely to Nominate Themselves for An Award (Self-nominations only)
  • Most Arrogant, Colorful LinkedIn Profile Artists
  • Most Valuable P(l)ayer Award
  • The Most Lovable Nerds in Politics
  • Best Asshole Whisperer
  • Most Adored Political Blogger/Reporter
  • The Swamp Rat Award for Most Egregious Displays of Success on Social Media
  • World’s Greatest Humble Bragger in Politics

Swampy Award nominations are open to the public. The awards will be announced on May 6, 2017.

More information about the Swampy Awards can be found at http://bitterdc.com.